Relationships are hard.
Jesus gets it, though, and I’m grateful.
Here I go again, being super vulnerable. I can’t (yet) stomach the idea of making certain posts for paid subscribers only (even though I appreciate y’all sooo much), because I understand the budget struggle. That being said, if you feel called to be a paid subscriber, I would very very grateful. I love to write, but writing takes time… and paying subscribers makes it more possible. (And I made it pretty manageable if you do the annual plan!)
“Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same nature, that through death he might destroy him who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong bondage.” - Hebrews 2:14-15
It seems that 2024 was the year of complicated relationships for many people I know and love, myself included. This may sound naive, but I think I underestimated how hard relationships can be — at least the ones where I have not made any vows. I think there’s much to be said about sacramental grace, because Logan and I receive a lot of graces in our relationship together, thanks to the Sacrament of Marriage. I knew going in that marriage would be hard, but I was willing to work on it, and I knew I would be given the grace to do so. And thankfully I married a man willing to work on it too, so we are able to tap into that grace. We are a mess, but we’ve grown a lot, and I’m grateful.
But it wasn’t until years into marriage that I realized just how hard it can be to stay and work on any other relationship that means a lot to me. And then it gets complicated when those other relationships also impact my relationship with Logan, who obviously is more of a priority. And then it gets even more complicated when my husband is also dealing with a difficult relationship, and knowing how to support each other through these relationships is hard. We didn’t vow to stay with anybody else other than each other, but obviously we know other relationships can be a blessing and can be worth the effort. Boundaries within those relationships are not always clear cut, but are often necessary to protect our marriage.
2024 left me with a lot of questions as I witnessed multiple relationships fall apart between people. I, myself, also experienced a painful “falling out” with someone I love very much. And while I’m grateful — in a small way — to be able to relate to my friends who are also dealing with struggling relationships, I’m mostly still here wondering why in the heck God allows so many relationships to be strained. 2024 was not fun. It sucked in many ways, if I’m honest.
This has led me to sit with Jesus a lot and talk to him about it. Why are you allowing this, Lord? Why are some of my closest friends not seeing eye to eye? Why are you letting beautiful Catholic families drift apart when they used to be like family? Why have there been so many miscommunications and misperceptions between people I love? Why does one relationship have to also affect so many others? What good could possibly come of any of this?
If it’s not obvious, I have more questions than answers at this point. And even today, as I sat in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament, I just cried while telling Jesus how much I miss certain people and how things used to be. Yet, I still felt a deep conviction that I’m exactly where he wants me. It doesn’t make sense. So many people who used to be a significant part of my life aren’t anymore, or at least right now…as much as it still pains me. (Like I said, I still have questions, including, Is this temporary or permanent?)
Does it have to be this way, Lord? I literally begged him today. I felt silly, honestly. But I’m working on being vulnerable with Jesus, even though he knows everything before I even tell him. And today, there was no specific answer to my pleading, just a gentle…
“Stay with me, my love.”
Oof. I’m trying, Jesus. I really am.
If there’s anything that I’ve learned through both experiencing and witnessing painful relationships over the past year, it is this: Only in Jesus will we find true fulfillment. And every time a human lets us down, we should be reminded to turn to the One who will never let us down. (And we should also remember that we aren’t perfect, either. Sigh.)
I’m still very much a work in progress, but thankfully, Jesus has also shown me over and over that he understands the struggles. Truly. I just think about all of the times that Jesus probably felt misunderstood, even by his apostles, who knew him the most intimately. It’s hard to believe that Jesus had to fuss Peter, who would eventually become the first pope: “Get behind me, Satan!” (see Matthew 16:23). Peter, James, and John couldn’t even stay awake for an hour to keep Jesus company before his passion and death (see Matthew 26:40).
So many times, the Apostles doubted and let Jesus down. Yet Jesus soldiered on and continued loving them. Heck, Jesus even knew that Judas would eventually betray him, but still he loved him. Jesus continued with the mission given to him by the Father, even when so many did not understand.
So if there’s a parting thought I can share to encourage you, despite my many unanswered questions, it would be this: Not everyone will understand the decisions you make (and you won’t always understand other people, either). Don’t feel like you owe people an explanation, necessarily. (Unless you’ve been a jerk…you should probably apologize.) As long as you are truly discerning the will of the Father and faithfully doing what he is asking of you each day, do not be afraid.
It never fails that in moments of doubt (because whew, the enemy is working overtime!), I will have someone reach out at the perfect moment to share encouragement. Because God does not abandon us…even though it may feel that way sometimes. He has constantly reassured me (sometimes through other people) that I am not crazy. That I’m worth more than many sparrows. That all of this messiness will make sense one day. That I will be a better person from these experiences, if I keep my eyes on him.
We may not have all of our questions answered this side of eternity, but that shouldn’t stop us from doing what he is asking us to do. So carry on, knowing that “the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:18).
“For because he himself has suffered and been tempted, he is able to help those who are tempted.” - Hebrews 2:18